So here's the thing.

I spent three years being underpaid. Three whole years. And I knew it the entire time.

Every performance review, I'd psych myself up to ask for more money. Then I'd chicken out. I'd accept the standard 3% cost-of-living bump and tell myself "maybe next year."

Until last March, when I finally stopped being scared and sent the email that changed everything.

Forty percent raise. Not a typo.

And honestly? The whole thing took me like 20 minutes to write once I figured out the formula.

Why I Finally Did It

My turning point was super random, actually. I was at brunch with my college roommate, and she casually mentioned her salary. We work in similar roles, similar industries.

She was making $30k more than me.

Thirty. Thousand. Dollars.

I literally felt sick. Not at her - good for her, honestly. But at myself for accepting so much less for so long.

That night, I started researching negotiation strategies that actually work. I talked to mentors. I stalked the anonymous pay gap database for my company.

Turns out, I wasn't just underpaid. I was severely underpaid.

Wild, right?

The Research Phase (Don't Skip This)

Before I wrote anything, I spent two weeks gathering ammunition. Because here's what nobody tells you - asking for a raise isn't about deserving it. It's about proving it.

I made a spreadsheet. Yeah, I'm that person now.

I tracked:

• Every major project I'd led in the past year
• Specific results with actual numbers (revenue generated, costs saved, etc.)
• Market rate for my role in my city
• Competitors' salary ranges for similar positions

The numbers part was crucial. My boss is a data person, so I knew I needed concrete evidence, not just "I work really hard."

Because like... everyone works hard. That's not special.

The Email Template That Worked

Okay, so I'm gonna share the basic structure I used. But you gotta customize it for your situation, obviously.

Subject line: "Compensation Discussion - [Your Name]"

Keep it professional but clear. Don't be vague with something like "Quick question" because then it gets buried.

Opening:

"Hi [Boss's Name],

I'd like to schedule time to discuss my compensation. I've been reflecting on my contributions over the past [timeframe] and believe a salary adjustment is warranted based on my performance and current market rates."

Notice I didn't apologize? No "sorry to bother you" or "I hate to ask but..." Women especially do this, and it immediately undermines your position.

The proof section:

This is where you flex. But like, professionally.

"Over the past year, I have:

• [Specific achievement with number] - Example: "Led the redesign project that increased user engagement by 34%"
• [Another achievement] - Example: "Managed a team of 5 and delivered all projects under budget"
• [Third achievement] - Example: "Brought in 3 new clients worth $200k in annual revenue"

Based on my research of comparable roles in [city/industry], the market rate for my position and experience level is [salary range]."

See what I did there? Facts, numbers, external validation. No emotions, no begging.

The ask:

"I'm requesting a salary adjustment to [specific number or range], which reflects both my contributions and market alignment. I'm happy to discuss this further and provide additional documentation of my work."

Be specific. Don't say "a raise" - say the actual number you want. And yeah, aim high because they'll probably negotiate down.

Closing:

"I really value being part of this team and want to continue growing here. When would be a good time to discuss this?

Thanks,
[Your name]"

End on a positive note. You're not threatening to leave (even if you're lowkey ready to). You're positioning this as a mutual win.

The Waiting Game Was Brutal

I sent the email on a Wednesday morning at 9am. Strategic timing - not Monday when everyone's overwhelmed, not Friday when they're checked out.

My boss responded three hours later asking to meet the next day.

Those 27 hours were torture. I kept refreshing my email. I stress-ate an entire bag of chocolate chips. I googled "what if they fire me for asking for a raise" at 2am.

Spoiler: they cannot fire you for asking for a raise. That's literally illegal in most places.

The Actual Conversation

The meeting was way less scary than I'd built up in my head.

My boss actually started by thanking me for bringing it up. Apparently, HR had flagged my salary as below market rate months ago, but they were waiting for me to initiate the conversation.

Which is... frustrating? But also good to know for next time.

We talked through my achievements. She agreed with most of them. She pushed back slightly on my requested number, but not much. We landed on 40% because they were also promoting me to senior level, which I honestly hadn't even asked for.

The whole thing took maybe 30 minutes.

I walked out shaking. Called my mom. Cried a little bit. Ordered expensive sushi for dinner.

What I Learned About Money Conversations

Okay, real talk. Here's what this whole experience taught me:

Nobody's gonna advocate for you except you. Your boss isn't sitting around thinking about how to pay you more. Even if they like you. That's just not how it works.

Being uncomfortable is part of it. If you're not at least a little nervous asking for a raise, you're probably not asking for enough. I literally felt like I was gonna throw up before sending that email. That's normal.

Timing matters. I did this right after completing a huge successful project. Don't ask during budget freezes or right after company layoffs. Read the room.

Have a backup plan. I'd actually started looking at other jobs before asking. Not because I wanted to leave, but because I needed to know my options. That gave me confidence. If you're considering remote work negotiation tactics, having alternatives is key.

The worst they can say is no. Actually, that's not true. The worst they can say is "we'll think about it" and then ghost you for six months. But even then, you have information. You know where you stand.

Common Mistakes I Almost Made

I'm gonna be honest about what I almost screwed up:

Comparing myself to coworkers directly. I almost wrote "John makes more than me and I do more work." Don't do this. It's petty and unprofessional, even if it's true. Stick to external market data.

Threatening to quit. Never say "give me a raise or I'm leaving" unless you're 100% ready to walk. And even then, just... leave. Don't use it as leverage.

Apologizing. I deleted like five "sorry to bother you" phrases from my draft. You're not bothering anyone. You're doing business.

Asking for "feedback" first. Some advice says to ask for a performance review before discussing money. But that gives them time to prepare reasons why you don't deserve it. Come prepared with your own case.

Being vague about numbers. "I'd like to discuss my compensation" is fine. "I think I deserve a raise" is weak. "I'm requesting an adjustment to $X" is strong.

The Money Talk Nobody Has

Can we just acknowledge how weird it is that we don't talk about this stuff?

Like, I have friends who tell me their entire dating history but won't mention their salary. We've normalized keeping quiet about money, and it only benefits companies.

After I got my raise, I started being more open about salary ranges with younger women on my team. Not exact numbers, but ballpark figures. Because how else are they supposed to know what to ask for?

One of them used a similar approach and got a 25% bump. Another realized she was actually being paid fairly and felt better about staying. Information is power.

If you're trying to build financial freedom in your twenties, knowing your worth is step one.

What To Do If They Say No

Okay, so let's talk about the scenario where it doesn't work out.

If they say no, ask why. Specifically. Not in a defensive way, but genuinely: "What would I need to accomplish to earn this salary?"

Get it in writing if possible. "So if I achieve X, Y, and Z by [date], we can revisit this conversation?"

Then you have two choices:

1. Work toward those goals and ask again in 6 months

2. Start job hunting

There's no shame in leaving if they won't pay you fairly. Companies that undervalue good employees don't suddenly start valuing them more. That's just facts.

I know someone who used strategic LinkedIn networking to land a better role after her company refused a raise. Sometimes the best raise is a new job.

The Ripple Effect

Here's what nobody tells you about getting a big raise - it affects everything going forward.

Your next raise will be a percentage of this higher number. Your 401k match is based on this. If you switch jobs, you're negotiating from a stronger position.

That 40% raise I got? Over a 10-year career, that's potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in additional earnings. Compound interest is wild.

Also, my confidence at work completely changed. I stopped feeling guilty about taking vacation days. I spoke up more in meetings. I realized that if they're paying me this much, they clearly value my opinion.

Money isn't everything, obviously. But being paid fairly for your work changes how you feel about showing up every day.

Your Turn

Look, I'm not saying everyone's gonna get a 40% raise. My situation was specific - I was severely underpaid, I had strong performance metrics, and my company had budget.

But here's what I know for sure: you miss 100% of the raises you don't ask for.

If you're reading this and thinking "maybe I should ask for more money," that's probably your gut telling you something. Listen to it.

Start doing the research. Build your case. Write the email. Schedule the meeting.

Is it scary? Yep.

Is it uncomfortable? Absolutely.

Is it worth it? Every single time.

The worst thing that happens is they say no and you have more information about whether to stay or go. The best thing that happens is you get paid what you're actually worth.

And honestly? You probably deserve more than you're asking for anyway.

Just saying.